By: Lizzie Cernik
Some people argue ex-boyfriends are like broken household equipment, best disposed of completely when they’ve stopped working properly. But when you’ve loved somebody for years, or even just a few months, it’s not always that easy to shut them out of your life. Although it’s not the easiest route, it is possible to become friends with an ex. It can be rocky and it’s certainly not an option for every couple, but if you’re willing to give it a go, we’ve got some tips to make it work.
Firstly you need to look at the reasons for your split. If he ran off with another woman or disappeared to join the circus, you may want to question whether he’s the kind of person you want in your life at all. But assuming the split was mutual and fairly amicable, there’s definitely hope for a friendship. Following the initial break up contact may be tricky. If you’re feeling heartbroken it’s best to avoid your ex completely until you’ve dried your tears, put the ice cream back in the freezer and stopped listening to Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ on repeat. If he’s keen to get in touch during this period just be honest and tell him you’re not ready for friendship yet. Only contact him when you feel 100% ready, especially if you know he’s started dating someone new.
However close you were, eventually you’ll both move on. And if he meets someone else first, it can be a kick in the teeth. (Don’t say you weren’t warned.) Even if you’re 100% over him and grateful for the split, a Facebook relationship update or wedding announcement can feel like a punch in the stomach. Appreciate that it’s totally normal to feel jealous and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Just man up, send your congratulations and, if you’re feeling extra generous, hit the social media ‘like’ buttons. If you’re the one who’s moved on first, you’ll need to introduce the idea of the ex-boyfriend gently to your new man. It may be hard to convince him you’re just friends now, make sure you prove to him you’ve really moved on.
Regardless of whether you’ve found new partners, if you’re going to mates, you need to accept major changes in your relationship. Whilst he was once your emotional ‘go to guy’ he’s now just another ‘guy friend’, which can be a hard adjustment. There’s no more calling him at midnight with your latest crisis or begging him to paint your ceiling because you can’t reach. For at least the first few months after your split, try to keep all your conversations light and save the heavy stuff for your girlfriends.
Most importantly though, if you do become good friends with an ex, always remember why you split up. Slipping back into a relationship is dangerous once you’ve hit the ‘friend zone’ and it’s all too easy to forget their faults. If you find yourself reminiscing about old times through rose tinted spectacles, quickly remind yourself of the time he forgot your birthday present, crashed your car or disappeared for three days on that stag weekend he conveniently forgot to mention. You’ll soon snap out of it.
Some people argue ex-boyfriends are like broken household equipment, best disposed of completely when they’ve stopped working properly. But when you’ve loved somebody for years, or even just a few months, it’s not always that easy to shut them out of your life. Although it’s not the easiest route, it is possible to become friends with an ex. It can be rocky and it’s certainly not an option for every couple, but if you’re willing to give it a go, we’ve got some tips to make it work.
Firstly you need to look at the reasons for your split. If he ran off with another woman or disappeared to join the circus, you may want to question whether he’s the kind of person you want in your life at all. But assuming the split was mutual and fairly amicable, there’s definitely hope for a friendship. Following the initial break up contact may be tricky. If you’re feeling heartbroken it’s best to avoid your ex completely until you’ve dried your tears, put the ice cream back in the freezer and stopped listening to Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ on repeat. If he’s keen to get in touch during this period just be honest and tell him you’re not ready for friendship yet. Only contact him when you feel 100% ready, especially if you know he’s started dating someone new.
However close you were, eventually you’ll both move on. And if he meets someone else first, it can be a kick in the teeth. (Don’t say you weren’t warned.) Even if you’re 100% over him and grateful for the split, a Facebook relationship update or wedding announcement can feel like a punch in the stomach. Appreciate that it’s totally normal to feel jealous and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Just man up, send your congratulations and, if you’re feeling extra generous, hit the social media ‘like’ buttons. If you’re the one who’s moved on first, you’ll need to introduce the idea of the ex-boyfriend gently to your new man. It may be hard to convince him you’re just friends now, make sure you prove to him you’ve really moved on.
Regardless of whether you’ve found new partners, if you’re going to mates, you need to accept major changes in your relationship. Whilst he was once your emotional ‘go to guy’ he’s now just another ‘guy friend’, which can be a hard adjustment. There’s no more calling him at midnight with your latest crisis or begging him to paint your ceiling because you can’t reach. For at least the first few months after your split, try to keep all your conversations light and save the heavy stuff for your girlfriends.
Most importantly though, if you do become good friends with an ex, always remember why you split up. Slipping back into a relationship is dangerous once you’ve hit the ‘friend zone’ and it’s all too easy to forget their faults. If you find yourself reminiscing about old times through rose tinted spectacles, quickly remind yourself of the time he forgot your birthday present, crashed your car or disappeared for three days on that stag weekend he conveniently forgot to mention. You’ll soon snap out of it.
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