The World’s Biggest Lie: I’ll be ready in Five Minutes

By: May Rostom

I'm not much of a liar, but when it comes to picking up the phone to a crazy best friend who will be at my place in 2 minutes and I'm in my PJs, I can’t help but blurt out “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes”.
People who know anything about me know that by 5 minutes I mean 30-45 minutes. I've had some friends actually pretend they’re downstairs to promptly get me out of bed and into their car, others that called me 20+ times repetitively not knowing they’re on vibrate, and those oh-so-clever buddies that call me on my home-phone because there’s no silent button there.
Some of you reading this right now might think I'm a disrespectful prick that doesn’t value time, but I personally don’t; I'm awesome. Being awesome isn’t easy and it most certainly doesn’t take 5 minutes to make. All joking aside, I don’t mean to disrespect my buddies, to leave my date waiting, nor to miss my doctor’s appointments, but I just lose track of time. Ninety percent of the time, I honestly think it would take me 5 minutes to be ready, but when I come to apply this theory; I just fail. I've tried everything from setting alarms, to adjusting wall clocks 15 minutes earlier than they should be, to even having my mum keep track of my “getting ready” process but it just doesn’t work, something inside me always whispers: “chill May, you have time”. Something always comes up to make my 5 minutes turn into 15 at least, and worst part about it is: people don’t believe my justifications anymore.
Whether it’s toothpaste dollops on my shirt, dog pee on my jeans (true story), last-minute mum talk, or just flat-out stalling around the house, I hereby announce it’s never 5 minutes. Next time you hear me saying I’ll be ready in 5 minutes and then accompany it with whatever justification/excuse (which will most-likely be true), just don’t believe me. I also hereby announce that I don’t want anybody picking me up to the party, I don’t want anybody to rush me through my “getting ready” process, and I most certainly don’t want to take crap from anyone when I'm supposedly going out to have fun. Let’s all acknowledge the fact that this is -and will remain- the world’s biggest lie so we can get on with our laid-back lives without having to justify.