What would you do if your husband cheated on you?

The problem: “My husband of seven years has admitted to cheating on me. He has apologised relentlessly and said it was a one time thing. I still love him and we have two children together but not sure I should trust him again.”

Lizzie says: When a long term partner cheats it can be extremely painful, especially if you’ve had no issues in your relationship and it comes completely out of the blue. Some women experience extreme anger, others feel they can forgive. If your partner is extremely remorseful it complicates your emotions even further. Just be careful not to rush into any decisions at this stage, particularly if you’ve got young children.

Spend time apart
If you’re feeling angry, consider moving out for a few weeks until you’ve collected your thoughts. With young children in the picture, this can be very difficult, so if you’ve got family around you it might be a good idea to confide in your mum or a sibling. You want to cause as little distress as possible for the children so you may even consider taking them on holiday to get away from it all. If your kids are older honesty is the best policy. Gently explain that you and their father are working out a few problems and that you’ll be giving each other a bit of space.

Don’t tell all your friends
Although it’s tempting to share this problem with everyone you know (and castigate your partner’s behaviour), if you do decide to go back, it will make things tricky. Confide in a few trusted people for advice but try not to let gossip spread- it won’t be good for your kids in the long run either. Remember that if you decide to forgive your partner, it doesn’t mean everyone else will, so be careful who you tell.

Put the children first
Before you had kids, breakups were all consuming. It was perfectly legitimate to spend two days in bed watching low budget rom coms and eating your way through jars of Nutella. But with children on the scene, they must come first. An affair can affect everyone in the family, so it’s important to keep their lives as happy and normal as possible. Try not to argue with your partner in front of them as it will be very upsetting for them to hear.

Make a decision for the right reasons
Never stay together just for the children. If you know you can never truly trust him again after infidelity, it will be easier on your kids to have two happy separated parents than two that are always fighting. Nobody can make the decision for you but if you do decide to take him back, you need to start fresh. You can’t hold the fact that he hurt you against him, it will only end in rows and upset.

Don’t beat yourself up
The infidelity is not your fault, no matter what issues you may have had in your marriage. Give yourself time to feel pain and try not to bottle it up. Although it’s not wise to display your emotions to the kids, you could try visiting a therapist or consider marriage counselling.