Why do so many men end up living alone?

Stats show more men are living alone. But is that always a bad thing?
If you’re a man, you might find the latest research into living trends in the UK either horrific or hopeful, depending on how much you enjoy your own company.
Because what it says is that, while the number of both genders living alone has increased, it’s increased far more for men than women.
The Office for National Statistics figures show that there are now 1.3 million middle-aged men living alone, and 200,000 more men in this age group than women. The number of young men living alone is also on the rise.
If you add both genders together you get an increase of 800,000 solo dwellers since the mid-1990s.
So is this bad news for men? Are we increasingly lonely and unfulfilled? Or is it actually good news, showing that men are embracing greater independence and less traditional forms of relationship? We sift the evidence.
Are men lonely?
Part of the reason that so many men are now living alone is the decline of marriage.
According to the report, “the increase in those living alone also coincides with a decrease in the percentage of those in this age group who are married – from 79% in 1996 to 69% in 2012 – and a rise in the percentage of those who have never married or are divorced, from 16% in 1996 to 28% in 2012.”
Some experts have suggested that men are being hit hardest by this decline, and that the reason many men are single and alone is that women are getting choosier.
Women now outperform men at school, university and, increasingly, in the jobs market. Unlike previous generations of women, they don’t need men to guarantee their financial security. Fewer women are prepared to support men with lower incomes and worse prospects than themselves.
The high divorce rate may also be playing a part, leaving more men than women living alone after a marriage has crumbled. According to Harry Benson of the Marriage Foundation, “it may be that the sheer weight of family breakdown is causing an increase in men living alone in their 40s and 50s.”
And whatever our age, it could be that increasing rates of single occupation aren’t doing men, in particular, any favours.
According to recent research from Finland, people of working age who live alone are more likely to be depressed and taking anti-depressants than people who cohabit in any kind of family or social group.
Lead scientist Dr Laura Pulkki-Raback, from the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health, said: “Our study shows that people living alone have an increased risk of developing depression.”
She added that, among men, a lack of social support was the main contributory factor to this increased risk. In other words, it may well be true that many men live alone and are also lonely, sometimes to the extent that they develop mental health problems. On this evidence, living alone is not a good thing, at least for men.
Living alone is a choice
But that’s not the whole story. Other research has found that many men are living alone because of a wider social trend towards solo living. Some of this may be an unfortunate side-effect of rising relationship breakdown, but experts think that for many of us, both men and women, living alone has become a lifestyle choice, and a positive one at that.
Eric Klinenberg is a sociologist and author of Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise And Surprising Appeal Of Living Alone. He believes that, particularly for younger people, living alone is a sign of status. We live alone because we can afford to.
He writes: “Today, young solitaires actively reframe living alone as a mark of distinction and success. They use it as a way to invest time in their personal and professional growth. Such investments in the self are necessary, they say, because contemporary families are fragile, as are most jobs, and in the end each of us must be able to depend on ourselves.”
In other words, living alone can be useful. In a fragile world, younger adults think that being able to enjoy your own company and develop the social networks that mean you can live alone without being lonely are essential life skills.
Learning from experience
It would seem that there are two different trends going on here. Among many men in their late 30s and beyond, living alone can be an isolating, even unhealthy experience. They live alone because relationships have gone sour or their career path has taken an unusual path.
But many younger men (and women) are living alone because they want to. Not only is being able to afford a flat of their own a sign of status and confidence, it’s also a learning experience.
And that’s an interesting development. It shows that young men have grasped some harsh social and economic truths. Marriages aren’t necessarily for life any more, and neither are jobs. Living alone can be a positive experience, if you develop the skills and social networks that make living alone and being lonely entirely different concepts.
It’s true that, in the old days, women may have been better at developing those skills than men, as an army of lonely, single middle-age men shows.
But the good news is, men may be catching up. Younger men are embracing solo living and putting the networks in place to make it a rewarding, life-enhancing experience.