Our relationship expert Lizzie Cernik helps to solve your problems. This week, how to deal with falling for your best mate’s boyfriend.
The problem: “I had a messy split with my boyfriend last year and have been spending more time with my best friend and her partner. The problem is I’m starting to develop feelings for him. She keeps telling me I’m being distant and wants to know what’s wrong. Should I confess my feelings?
Lizzie says: It’s normal to develop feelings for a man that’s taken, particularly after a difficult break up. You could be feeling lonely and keen to replace those relationship ‘emotions’ with the closest man in your life. If you tell your friend you’ve got feeling for her partner, you’ll make the situation extremely awkward for everyone involved. The chances are your feelings are just a crush rather than real love and there’s no point ruining a friendship over feelings that are likely to pass quickly. So what should you do instead?
Spend time apart
The more time you spend with her man, the more you’re likely you are to think about him. Organise activities with other friends and tell the couple that you’ve got a busy schedule at the moment. You don’t have to cut them out completely, just keep your distance for a while.
Stay occupied
The busier you are the less time you’ll have to think to think about him. Whether it’s work commitments, playing sport or spending time with other friends, keep yourself occupied and you’ll feel better much sooner.
Date other guys
The best thing for taking your mind off a crush is to date other people. Don’t compare them to your friend’s partner and make sure you give them a real chance. It’s really easy to meet people through mutual friends, online dating and social networking sites so take the plunge and put yourself out there.
Don’t idolise him
It’s easy to imagine that your friend’s partner is the ‘perfect man’ and start harbouring feelings of jealousy. In reality they’ll have their ups and downs just like everyone else. If it helps, try focusing on his shortcomings to help you get over it.
Don’t spend time alone with him
The worst thing you can do is risk hurting your friend, so you must be careful to put her feelings first. Avoid temptation by making sure you and her partner are never alone together, particularly in a bar or dinner situation.
Take a break
Need some thinking time? Consider taking a few weeks off work to head abroad. A bit of travel and a change of scenery could really clear your head.
The problem: “I had a messy split with my boyfriend last year and have been spending more time with my best friend and her partner. The problem is I’m starting to develop feelings for him. She keeps telling me I’m being distant and wants to know what’s wrong. Should I confess my feelings?
Lizzie says: It’s normal to develop feelings for a man that’s taken, particularly after a difficult break up. You could be feeling lonely and keen to replace those relationship ‘emotions’ with the closest man in your life. If you tell your friend you’ve got feeling for her partner, you’ll make the situation extremely awkward for everyone involved. The chances are your feelings are just a crush rather than real love and there’s no point ruining a friendship over feelings that are likely to pass quickly. So what should you do instead?
Spend time apart
The more time you spend with her man, the more you’re likely you are to think about him. Organise activities with other friends and tell the couple that you’ve got a busy schedule at the moment. You don’t have to cut them out completely, just keep your distance for a while.
Stay occupied
The busier you are the less time you’ll have to think to think about him. Whether it’s work commitments, playing sport or spending time with other friends, keep yourself occupied and you’ll feel better much sooner.
Date other guys
The best thing for taking your mind off a crush is to date other people. Don’t compare them to your friend’s partner and make sure you give them a real chance. It’s really easy to meet people through mutual friends, online dating and social networking sites so take the plunge and put yourself out there.
Don’t idolise him
It’s easy to imagine that your friend’s partner is the ‘perfect man’ and start harbouring feelings of jealousy. In reality they’ll have their ups and downs just like everyone else. If it helps, try focusing on his shortcomings to help you get over it.
Don’t spend time alone with him
The worst thing you can do is risk hurting your friend, so you must be careful to put her feelings first. Avoid temptation by making sure you and her partner are never alone together, particularly in a bar or dinner situation.
Take a break
Need some thinking time? Consider taking a few weeks off work to head abroad. A bit of travel and a change of scenery could really clear your head.
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