By:Lizzie Cernik
Unless you were one of the lucky few who met ‘the one’ when you were 16, heartbreak is an inevitable part of the dating process. Sometimes it hits you like a tonne of bricks, thrusting you into a world of endless tubs of ice cream and re runs of Bridget Jones’ diary. Other times it encourages you to make a life changing move or become more independent. As every break up is different there’s no ‘one stop solution’ to dealing with heartbreak. But we’ve got some advice for various situations.
After a fling
Flings are a tricky one. Filled with passion and energy, the end of short term relationship can sometimes be more painful than you anticipate. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad about the demise of a fling. If you really fell for the guy and thought it would go further you’ve got every right to be upset. That said, when you’ve only known a person for a few weeks, it’s more likely to be infatuation than real love. Attention from other men can be a welcome distraction, so don’t be shy about getting back on the dating scene. Try not to feel too rejected, keep busy and remind yourself of all your best assets.
After a long term relationship that ended on your terms
Although ending a relationship should be easier than being dumped, this isn’t always the case. So just because you ended it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t grieve. You’ve just as much right to hog that tissue box as the next girl. To remind yourself why you’re better off without him, take up a new hobby you could never have tried before. Going out will give you the opportunity to build up more confidence and realise how great an independent life is.
After a long term relationship that ended on his terms
This is one of the hardest heartbreaks to bounce back from, especially if he left you for someone else. As depressing as it sounds, the only real healer for this type of break up is time, so be sure to give yourself plenty. Fill up your days as much as possible with friends, new activities, work and, if you can afford it, a holiday or travelling stint. If you find yourself wallowing it’s important to self impose a cut off date. Avoiding social engagements will only push you further into a spiral of depression. Most importantly, do not try to contact your ex or look at pictures on Facebook. If needs be cut him out completely until you feel you’ve moved on.
After a marriage
Complicated by the fact you can’t ‘cut yourself off’ from your ex, divorce is never easy no matter who instigates it. If you’ve got children together you need to work out a way to be around each other without causing too much upset to your life. Whilst it’s important to throw yourself back into work, life and friendships to keep busy, give yourself time to ‘vent’ when necessary. Whether it’s to a professional counsellor or trusted friend, channelling your upset into a designated time slot will help you to process your feelings and keep them from overtaking family life. It’s a major life overhaul so don’t be afraid to ask for support from family and friends.
Unless you were one of the lucky few who met ‘the one’ when you were 16, heartbreak is an inevitable part of the dating process. Sometimes it hits you like a tonne of bricks, thrusting you into a world of endless tubs of ice cream and re runs of Bridget Jones’ diary. Other times it encourages you to make a life changing move or become more independent. As every break up is different there’s no ‘one stop solution’ to dealing with heartbreak. But we’ve got some advice for various situations.
After a fling
Flings are a tricky one. Filled with passion and energy, the end of short term relationship can sometimes be more painful than you anticipate. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad about the demise of a fling. If you really fell for the guy and thought it would go further you’ve got every right to be upset. That said, when you’ve only known a person for a few weeks, it’s more likely to be infatuation than real love. Attention from other men can be a welcome distraction, so don’t be shy about getting back on the dating scene. Try not to feel too rejected, keep busy and remind yourself of all your best assets.
After a long term relationship that ended on your terms
Although ending a relationship should be easier than being dumped, this isn’t always the case. So just because you ended it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t grieve. You’ve just as much right to hog that tissue box as the next girl. To remind yourself why you’re better off without him, take up a new hobby you could never have tried before. Going out will give you the opportunity to build up more confidence and realise how great an independent life is.
After a long term relationship that ended on his terms
This is one of the hardest heartbreaks to bounce back from, especially if he left you for someone else. As depressing as it sounds, the only real healer for this type of break up is time, so be sure to give yourself plenty. Fill up your days as much as possible with friends, new activities, work and, if you can afford it, a holiday or travelling stint. If you find yourself wallowing it’s important to self impose a cut off date. Avoiding social engagements will only push you further into a spiral of depression. Most importantly, do not try to contact your ex or look at pictures on Facebook. If needs be cut him out completely until you feel you’ve moved on.
After a marriage
Complicated by the fact you can’t ‘cut yourself off’ from your ex, divorce is never easy no matter who instigates it. If you’ve got children together you need to work out a way to be around each other without causing too much upset to your life. Whilst it’s important to throw yourself back into work, life and friendships to keep busy, give yourself time to ‘vent’ when necessary. Whether it’s to a professional counsellor or trusted friend, channelling your upset into a designated time slot will help you to process your feelings and keep them from overtaking family life. It’s a major life overhaul so don’t be afraid to ask for support from family and friends.
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